Customer "Care"? Nope. You're Just An Acronym!

Caveat Emptor: "Personalized for You"? Customer "Care"?
Nope. You're Just An Acronym!

by Alexander S. Kabbaz,
Bespoke Clothier

Back in the day, I knew that white-shirts-only Ron Lauder's concept of a casual shirt was "A Blue One, of course". That Steve Wynn preferred unlaundered Italian silk broadcloth shirts.

I knew Tom Wolfe didn't wear only white suits - some were actually bone colored. And, cap visor down concealing countenance, he would often sneak down Madison Avenue wearing his gym sweats.

That Leonard Bernstein's preferred dress was actually a T-shirt & jeans, not the wing-collared formal number with tails and baton we're so used to seeing.

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Fond memories aside, what ran through all was a simple penchant for quality. Lauder and Wolfe preferred Alumo's 2x2 170s count Swiss poplin. Wynn? Our Italian silk. And Bernstein simply had an incredible variety of handmade formal wear. What else was universal? They depended upon me to know this stuff ... and to ensure that the quality was the best available. Period.

It's different now. Welcome to the World of E-Commerce. You're not Ronald or Steve or Tom or Leonard any more. You're just an ACRONYM ... and the sole goal is to relieve you of your cash! Providing value and ensuring your satisfaction fall way behind making certain your metrics justify the effort. This is the sad state of the world of clothing sales in the Age of the Internet ... and this is how you are seen:

How did you find us? PPC, OSR, PPS, WOM? If our UI suited you, you liked our USP, and your UX was a good one which resulted in a CE from our CTA as you went through the PF, your visit will become a CX. On the downside, your response may have required too many PPCs and driven up your CAC. Or our checkout may have failed because you're a PICNIC. Alternatively, our SMM may have been good enough so that we got you free!

Good or poor, your AIDA will be noted in our CRM and used to retarget you through other means if your BANT meets the right criteria ... or to assist in the creation of a more UCD. Did you accept the purchase OOTB or did you drive up our RR? Even if, will your CLV - our most important KPI - be high enough to justify that? Or is your LTV just too low compared to your CAC? In the end, especially if you're an UHNW customer, your value may just come down to the HIPPO.

In my personal opinion, it's ASMBS!

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Acronym Key Below

What the heck does this have to do with top quality, luxury clothing? Absolutely nothing! And that's the whole point.

Aspiration - formerly driven by making the best which can be made - is now universally focused on creating the best Unique Selling Proposition rather than the best clothing. As long as it sells, it doesn't matter if the USP is Cashmere or Crap. Former concentration on the Quality of Yarn has turned to the effectiveness of the User Experience. The design of the Web Site far overshadows the design of the Boxer Brief. The choice of Brand Colors weighs more heavily than the Colors of the Spaghetti Top Camisole.

We live in the world of Omnichannel Marketing. What's a channel? Ebay ... Amazon ... physical store ... Walmart ... Sears - there are dozens of channels.

Translation? We don't care what we sell. We just want to make sure we're selling it Everywhere. In sum, the entire virtual world is running on the Metrics of Sales.

This marketer's modern mantra is a travesty!

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A Clothing Marketer's Mantra:

It Doesn't Stand For Anything

We strive every day to be different.

You trust us to offer you the best which can be made. It is that trust which drives our user experience metrics, not whether the Kabbaz-Kelly lingerie page drove you into the Purchase Funnel. It is the intrinsic quality of our merino socks, not the talent of the copy-writer, which make your satisfaction with us the best it can be.

Our sole task is to find the world's finest Sea Island cotton yarn and design from it the finest polo shirt in existence. Our task is not writing the best sales pitch which will cause you to order the "polo shirt" no matter where or how it is made.

In sum, to us you are ... and always will be ... Ronald and Steve and Tom and Leonard. And we shall always offer only the finest which can be made.

IMHO ... That is what the User Experience should be.

A Penny for Your Thoughts!

The Clothing Marketer's
Acronym Translation Key:

You Want The Whole List?

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PPC - Pay Per Click; e.g.: Clicking a Google Ad

OSR - Organic Search Results; The free listings below Google's ads

PPS - Pay Per Sale; Your click doesn't cost unless you order

WOM - Word of Mouth

UI - User Interface

USP - Unique Selling Proposition

UX - User Experience

CE - Conversion Event; You converted from a looker to a buyer

CTA - Call To Action; Usually the "Add To Cart" button

PF - Purchase Funnel

CX - Customer Experience

CAC - Customer Acquisition Cost

PICNIC - Problem's in Chair, Not in Computer

SMM - Social Media Marketing

AIDA - Awareness, Interest, Desire, Action

CRM - Customer Relationship Manager - Don't let your ego inflate. That's a software database, not a person

BANT - Budget, Authority, Need, Timeline

UCD - User Centric Design

OOTB - Out of the Box

RR - Return Rate

CLV - Customer Lifetime Value

KPI - Key Performance Indicator

LTV - LifeTime Value

UHNW - Ultra High Net Worth

HIPPO - Highest Paid Person's Opinion

ASMBS - All So Much Bull****

IMHO - In My Humble Opinion

Bookmark The List. Next Time You're Shopping ... Caveat Emptor!

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